shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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