Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
