haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
