I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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