At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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