I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
