I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
