Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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