dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wow bdsm is so cute
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
