Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
