Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize