Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
