and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
