i think i have two assholes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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