no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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