I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
