I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize