This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
