I met the friendliest cop last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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