she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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