tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
