my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We had to coat check the pizza.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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