Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My cat gives me a boner
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
May the power of my ass compel you!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
