I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
