Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
