Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I understand Curling. That high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
