You made me cry and you don't even care
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
