Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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