I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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