My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
