So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My vagina is officially offended.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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