i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
