Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
