I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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