he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
