I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
