Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
