Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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