WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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