Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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