Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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