piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
