I'm pants shitting drunk right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
