The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
