Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
