Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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