Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just invented taco cereal.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
