My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
