the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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