just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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