who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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