Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
