Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
