reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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