he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize