I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
