is your mom at the bar?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
