The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
