I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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