I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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