i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
