I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
