Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
