dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
