Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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