i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
