I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
