i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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