let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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