tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize