He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
