I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
