You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
