Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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