i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
