i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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