I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the condom got lost in my hair
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
