i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
